home
What does home mean to you? I’ve heard some people find it in places or sometimes people. I’m recently finding it in feelings which is odd for me, considering I’m much more of a thinker - enneagram 5 to be exact. I’ve come to learn that these personality types I’ve been so obsessed with are not permanent; they can change as we change. It makes me feel like all hope is not lost. I’ve become so much more introspective with age. It even feels like I live my life from a third-party perspective at times, replaying moments in my head like a movie.
I’m somewhere different than where I normally am, and I like the people here. The guy at the gas station noticed I’m not friendly with credit card readers. In helping me out and discovering my card did not have “tap”, he said he’d remember that for next time as if I’m coming back, but…I don’t know if I’ll ever be back to that gas station. Something about the way he said it made me feel he might know more about the trajectory of my life than me. It makes sense. I’m an information gatherer. I ask for everyone’s opinions then make my own conclusions. What the gas station clerk said will stick with me and become a supporting statement in the next argument I’m formulating.
As I leave the gas station, I’m moved by the windy roads underneath the distant mountains. It’s a contrast to the concrete ocean that normally fills my view. I can feel the contrast because I can’t remember the last time a bird’s voice made me smile. Even the trees, not even swaying, just the trees standing bare, make me smile here. And I love the concept of foothills - the tiny moments that we can climb. I find solace in the close foothills and the far mountains, like a metaphor of the journey I’m on - starting slow, overcoming small obstacles, then reaching the higher ground. The rolling mountain range reminds me that peaks exist just as valleys do. Without the valleys, we wouldn’t recognize the peaks. Without the downward slopes, we’d just be walking flat. I, for one, would be quite bored by that.
Seeing it from afar, however, is much easier than seeing it in the moment. This is something I’m trying to learn myself. In the end, I sit back and feel “at home” because nature reflects the inside of my mind. Nature tells the story fully written and even showing me the ending - how kind. I guess for me, I find the feeling of home in answers, in explanation, in reassurance. I find it in nature, in the raw, in the pure. I find it in the unmasked world that is so hard to uncover nowadays.